100 Days & Counting

I can’t believe it’s been so long since my last posting. Perhaps it’s laziness, maybe busy-ness, and most certainly tiredness. I find myself with little time to do much else than school, work and chores. I will be glad when this part of my life is over, and I can move on to something new, or at least different.

You see, I’m in school. An odd thing for a 58 year-old to be doing, but I confess, I’m odd in many ways. I began this adventure several years ago, taking one course at a time, just testing the waters to see what going back to school might feel like. Early on, it was okay. Now, in what I seriously hope is my final semester, the thought that comes to my mind most often is, “What was I thinking?”

When school is done, I’m getting myself a new knee, a graduation present of sorts. I’ll use my rehabilitation time to study for the certification exam that must follow.

But, all this is beginning to sound like whining (and I hate whining) so, let’s move on.

What’s good about this time in my life? Well, I’m actually learning a great deal. Some of it feels very “last minute” but nonetheless, the learning is both welcomed and important. I’m also stretching myself. This is my last semester “under the wing” as they say, with a preceptor responsible for the final decisions about managing the patient’s care. That said, I’m sticking my neck out a bit (as one should), saying what I think, naming the treatment I’d advise. I’m willing to be wrong in both my diagnosis and my treatment decisions, since I know there is someone there to catch my mistakes and guide me back to better thinking. That’s what preceptors do.

I’ve been a preceptor myself on occasion. In reflection, I wonder how I did when I was on the “think through the problem; protect from error” side of the equation. My students would have been RNs mostly, people already accustomed to thinking and doing. I hope I gave them the wisdom they needed in the moment, the evidence to examine on their own and the latitude to “get it wrong” when there would be no harm. We do learn best by our mistakes. The preceptor’s role is to keep those mistakes within the confines of protecting the patient while still teaching the learner.

This final clinical semester should be done in May. I will celebrate when it is. I will celebrate more when I know I have passed my certification exam, and then with my FNP in hand, as I go out into practice I will likely return to the question of today, “What was I thinking?”