Time Passages. . .

How do you measure the concept of time? Most of us here, in the U.S.A. would say, “Silly question. We use years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds. How else would you measure time?”

Think about it. Yes, those are common measures of time. But, don’t we also measure time in the distance between events, regardless of the exact duration? I know that I do.

Like this blog. How long has it been since I blogged here? I could look at the date/time stamp on my last entry and know precisely but in my head, it’s more like hmmmm. . . “Not since summer began, and wow, summer’s nearly gone!” That’s my measure of time, the swift passing of the season.

How long has it been since I’ve seen my best friend? Again, I pause. “Not since that conference in Raleigh which was a year ago last fall. It’s been a long time!” It’s not a precise measure. I don’t go to the calendar to measure it accurately but, it does remind me that I anchor important events to each other and track time between them thinking of the distance as “recent” or “a long time ago.”

I also measure my day, especially at work, by the number of meetings it contains. A lot of meetings equals a long day; few meetings results in an easy or quick day. Sometimes, I measure by the number of trips campus-to-campus I need to make in order to accomplish my assigned chores. Odd ways to measure time, but I notice that I do it more often than I look at my watch or track back on the calendar.

So what? It’s important to regard time, and its natural passage, as a construct we all note, but not in the same way. A family of a hospitalized teen may say, “He hasn’t looked this bad since his last hospitalization.” Admission to admission; it is how they mark time.

The problem with marking time – any way you like – is that it can be discouraging to notice that a goal you’ve set or an achievement you’d hoped to attain by now is still not in your grasp. That’s been happening to me a lot lately.

Whether it’s a new weight-loss goal not yet accomplished or a course for school that I still have not put behind me, the disappointment reminds me that I mark time by my intentions too. I’ll throw that party when I’m done with school – thinking I know when that will be. Hmmm. . .time stretches out in front of me and I’m struck by its inevitable fluidity.

I’m wondering, how does this work as I peer into the future? Time flows out in all directions and I try to steer toward certain destinations, landmarks that tell me where I am, how far I’ve come and where I need to go next. It is less about distance than about consequence; less about lasting to the goal than about learning along the way.

So today, musing about what lies ahead, the directions I’ve chosen for myself and committed to, I’m aware of how little control I have over these matter! I can only invest the effort, set out on the journey, trust the process and pay attention to what happens. Will the achievements happen “on time?” Who knows? Perhaps mine is not the ultimate time-keeping method. Perhaps there is a rhythm to it all that I cannot yet hear or feel, a coursing of the waters that moves me at will and permits me only the illusion of being in charge of my life.